Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
