I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
