whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
