He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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