So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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