its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
