How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
