Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize