I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
