My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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