Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
