As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
