just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
