I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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