I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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