We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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