Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Terrible idea I love it
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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