i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
sarcasm needs its own font
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
