Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
