I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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