What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
