Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Are we still banned from the library?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
