First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
the raccoons are back...
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