the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
