i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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