Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
