Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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