so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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