i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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