pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
im holly from the hills drunk
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
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