I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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