I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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