32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
