it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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