And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
