i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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