well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
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i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm passing your future prison.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
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I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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