Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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