Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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