Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
