he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
