i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
