Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
