Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
