I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
