when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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