he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night