Your mouth is God's brothel.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
