i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
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I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.