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so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
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