Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize