so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
