did you get engaged???
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize