I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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