I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
