there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The struggles of a small town man whore
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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