Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
