Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
