JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
