i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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