Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
