Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
