The brown eye won't let me do that either.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize