i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Acid is not a monday night drug
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
