pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
