you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
