Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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