i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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