i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
