Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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