I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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